Marked For Deletion...

I wonder how many of us there are> You know, the adoptees who lost their own firstborn to adoption? I cannot count the times I've been asked how I could have let this happen. Well, I didn't let shit...It happened, because I had No family, No knowledge of my rights, No self esteem, and No attorney..I was foolish to think I could just walk out of that Bethany Maternity Home unscathed...

I actually thought they were really interested in helping me keep my baby for that whole 1st year. After all, they set me up with a 'wonderful' family, where I could go and recover from labor and delivery, and set about the business of being a first time proud mama. And the 'wonderful' family, ( Birthrite Volunteers, with 2 adopted children of their own) would help me to get on my feet as a young single mother..They sold me this wonderful car, which blew up just 3 months later...They helped find me a wonderful apartment on the wrong side of town, and then watched me to see if I would stay outta trouble.. Dammit, why was I such a good girl?? I wasn't making this sabotage process very easy..Why wasn't i going after the dope, and laying out of work? I was not playing the game correctly..They would have to bring out the big guns..

How interesting that the very people who wanted my baby while I was pregnant and in the Maternity Home, actually ended up with her after all..Coincidence ?? I don't think so. They were soo patient, waiting in the wings all that time..Bless their noble hearts..

And so, it doesn't take a very big stretch of the imagination to see how I ended up childless 11 months later..Things were tough, and the situation they 'set up' for me, was not ideal after all. It wasn't long before the offers of 'help' were pouring in.. "Oh , let us keep your daughter for 2 weeks while you get caught up on your bills.. You can come visit her anytime on your way to and from work." Looking back, I should have fled the state of Maryland immediately, like my feet were on fire and my ass was catchin'.