Lately, I have heard alot of slinging around of the perverbial " Get Over It".. This of course, directed at those with Adoption Loss issues, whatever they may be. So I decided to take a good hard look at myself, to see what if anything, I have gotten over..Here's what I came up with.. :)
To those who hurl that phrase my way, I say ..." I have" .. I have gotten over many things, and will continue to do so til they put me in the ground.
We all have those secret places we revisit , that still hurt the most and always will. Some things you never get over. Lost loves, rejections, regret.. The loss of one's precious child or their own identity should top this list, I would think...
I have made peace with many losses and I have also been fortunate enough to have some of the desires of my heart fulfilled as well.
I have lost material possessions, whole homes at a time, and have learned to be content with what I had left.
I broke the cycle of abuse, and I made a decision to love myself, despite the things I suffered..
I searched for answers and found not all, but some. And when others thought I was down for the count, I came up swinging.. And if I found myself in an awful and dark place, I did my best to light it up, or burn it down.
I like believing that Heaven is a big lost and found, where all you ever held dear, will be restored to you one day.. Items dear to the heart, family and loved ones, both known and unknown, and my precious animal guardian angel companions, that I miss so much even still. And even if it's all a fairy tail, I still believe it. I am not asking anyone else to believe it if they don't, but I do so because I am a Survivor , and a Woman of Faith.
I have tried to help change whatever I can, even if it is unpopular by large.
And I have accepted that some things are way out of my hands and not within my power to change. And I have decided to be good to myself and others regardless.
If that is not " getting over it " , then I guess I just don't know what is..
A baby is a miraculous gift from God, no matter how one receives it!! Some are given the ability to bear them, others the ability to rear them.
PAP Wendy..
I wonder how many of us there are> You know, the adoptees who lost their own firstborn to adoption? I cannot count the times I've been asked how I could have let this happen. Well, I didn't let shit...It happened, because I had No family, No knowledge of my rights, No self esteem, and No attorney..I was foolish to think I could just walk out of that Bethany Maternity Home unscathed...
I actually thought they were really interested in helping me keep my baby for that whole 1st year. After all, they set me up with a 'wonderful' family, where I could go and recover from labor and delivery, and set about the business of being a first time proud mama. And the 'wonderful' family, ( Birthrite Volunteers, with 2 adopted children of their own) would help me to get on my feet as a young single mother..They sold me this wonderful car, which blew up just 3 months later...They helped find me a wonderful apartment on the wrong side of town, and then watched me to see if I would stay outta trouble.. Dammit, why was I such a good girl?? I wasn't making this sabotage process very easy..Why wasn't i going after the dope, and laying out of work? I was not playing the game correctly..They would have to bring out the big guns..
How interesting that the very people who wanted my baby while I was pregnant and in the Maternity Home, actually ended up with her after all..Coincidence ?? I don't think so. They were soo patient, waiting in the wings all that time..Bless their noble hearts..
And so, it doesn't take a very big stretch of the imagination to see how I ended up childless 11 months later..Things were tough, and the situation they 'set up' for me, was not ideal after all. It wasn't long before the offers of 'help' were pouring in.. "Oh , let us keep your daughter for 2 weeks while you get caught up on your bills.. You can come visit her anytime on your way to and from work." Looking back, I should have fled the state of Maryland immediately, like my feet were on fire and my ass was catchin'.
